Christmas at least.
My family has ruined it for me.
I wish Sonny was here, or even awake to talk to me, but he's not.
Crying and listening to Wonderful by Everclear.
Isn't everything wonderful now?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Day 59 - My sex life is ruined.
Seriously.
I may never be able to do anything again.
Okay, now don't get me wrong. I know people have casual sex.
I know there are portrayals of near-strangers having sex everywhere you turn.
But reading what Jalisa wrote to STRANGERS...
...it cheapens it for me.
I can't decide what it is.
Is it because she was discussing things that I do with Sonny because I am in love (okay, and a little but of lust) ((or maybe a lot...BUT ANYWAYS)) with him, when she couldn't possibly be with anyone else?
...or was it just the juxtaposition of her with sexual situations just disgusting to me?
That sounds terrible, but honestly.
I saw those pictures and was just like...erlack.
Ugh.
UGHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm going to have to go through sex therapy.
I may never be able to do anything again.
Okay, now don't get me wrong. I know people have casual sex.
I know there are portrayals of near-strangers having sex everywhere you turn.
But reading what Jalisa wrote to STRANGERS...
...it cheapens it for me.
I can't decide what it is.
Is it because she was discussing things that I do with Sonny because I am in love (okay, and a little but of lust) ((or maybe a lot...BUT ANYWAYS)) with him, when she couldn't possibly be with anyone else?
...or was it just the juxtaposition of her with sexual situations just disgusting to me?
That sounds terrible, but honestly.
I saw those pictures and was just like...erlack.
Ugh.
UGHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm going to have to go through sex therapy.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
DAY 59 - OH. MY. GOSH.
FORGET THE LONELINESS.
My eyes may now be scarred for life.
Let's just say...
...if I ever need to blackmail Jalisa...
I could.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
My eyes may now be scarred for life.
Let's just say...
...if I ever need to blackmail Jalisa...
I could.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Day 58 - that I haven't kissed anyone.
58 days. Well I suppose I went 16 years, then a couple of months, then six months after Sonny left for training.
BUT STILL.
Ugh. The Georgia Nicolson series is the worst to read when you haven't anyone to kiss.
Because every other page is snogging, as the British so amusingly call it.
It's not fair.
It has inspired me to add another thing to le list.
9. Lay in my bed and just kiss for at least two hours. Maybe more. More than two hours, I mean, not more than kiss. Well, maybe some feeling up. But no non-clothedness!
Because I miss kissing. I mean, I miss non-clothedness too, but not as much really...I miss cuddling and kissing. I feel like lately we had been just been jumping right past the kissing and cuddling kinda, and jumping right into groininess and skipping the cuddly bits.
And I missss ittttt.
Uh. NUH.
BREAKING NEWS: David just text me and told me I had a good final. WOOT!
Anyways. So in the Georgia Nicolson series, she pines after this guy, le Sex God, Robbie, for a couple of months then they finally kinda get together, then don't, then get together for real, then he leaves her for forevers for a foreign land.
Sound familiar?
But while he's gone, she has Dave the Laugh to talk to, and snog occasionally, then another dishy bloke (haha, I love British talk) comes along, the Italian stallion, the Luuuurve God, Masimo. And the snog and whatnot and she really think she likes him.
I wish I had a Dave to talk to, especially when Sonny goes on his "field" thingies and I'm just kind've abandoned...(without a "hey babe, I'm leaving for the field, I love you so much I'll think about you every second blah blah blah" JUST SAYING.)
NOT TO SNOG, though. I couldn't do that.
I just feel like...abandoned.
It's like...I have no one to talk to really. I have all kinds of college friends, Lindey and I have seem to become especially close, as well as my KPhi family, but still. It's not the same.
I don't talk to Jalisa, because I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.
And I can't really talk to Tori because she's a working girl now, and doesn't keep the bizarre hours that I keep...
...Sonny was who I talked to about these things.
Except complaining.
Which is probably what I'm doing now.
And he'll probably read it.
Ah bugger.
But still...it's just...nuh...
Why do I feel so alone?
BUT STILL.
Ugh. The Georgia Nicolson series is the worst to read when you haven't anyone to kiss.
Because every other page is snogging, as the British so amusingly call it.
It's not fair.
It has inspired me to add another thing to le list.
9. Lay in my bed and just kiss for at least two hours. Maybe more. More than two hours, I mean, not more than kiss. Well, maybe some feeling up. But no non-clothedness!
Because I miss kissing. I mean, I miss non-clothedness too, but not as much really...I miss cuddling and kissing. I feel like lately we had been just been jumping right past the kissing and cuddling kinda, and jumping right into groininess and skipping the cuddly bits.
And I missss ittttt.
Uh. NUH.
BREAKING NEWS: David just text me and told me I had a good final. WOOT!
Anyways. So in the Georgia Nicolson series, she pines after this guy, le Sex God, Robbie, for a couple of months then they finally kinda get together, then don't, then get together for real, then he leaves her for forevers for a foreign land.
Sound familiar?
But while he's gone, she has Dave the Laugh to talk to, and snog occasionally, then another dishy bloke (haha, I love British talk) comes along, the Italian stallion, the Luuuurve God, Masimo. And the snog and whatnot and she really think she likes him.
I wish I had a Dave to talk to, especially when Sonny goes on his "field" thingies and I'm just kind've abandoned...(without a "hey babe, I'm leaving for the field, I love you so much I'll think about you every second blah blah blah" JUST SAYING.)
NOT TO SNOG, though. I couldn't do that.
I just feel like...abandoned.
It's like...I have no one to talk to really. I have all kinds of college friends, Lindey and I have seem to become especially close, as well as my KPhi family, but still. It's not the same.
I don't talk to Jalisa, because I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.
And I can't really talk to Tori because she's a working girl now, and doesn't keep the bizarre hours that I keep...
...Sonny was who I talked to about these things.
Except complaining.
Which is probably what I'm doing now.
And he'll probably read it.
Ah bugger.
But still...it's just...nuh...
Why do I feel so alone?
Day 58 continued - I Hate the Bible
Well not really, but writing about it and its literature has made my right hand's fingertipses go numb.
Not cool, bible. Not cool.
Well I suppose it is actually David's fault. He required us to write the essays for our final in a blue or green book.
A green book is pretty much a bunch of (WIDE RULED) notebook paper stapled between two green pieces of paper. Quelle c'est le pointe?
I don't know.
Except to make my life harder.
So I typed up my essays and had to copy them by hand.
Our essays were supposed to be five pages and I thought I had mine worked out so that it would be five exactly.
And it was seven.
ARGGGH.
Took forever and my fingertipses are numb.
Ugh.
Trying to regain feeling in them while simultaneously avoiding sleep so that I may finish (read: begin) my freaking Psych paper.
I'm starting to think to myself "Ya know...you could sleep until noon and get up and write your paper..."
But I probably should not.
UGH.
Nuh nuh nuh.
Not cool, bible. Not cool.
Well I suppose it is actually David's fault. He required us to write the essays for our final in a blue or green book.
A green book is pretty much a bunch of (WIDE RULED) notebook paper stapled between two green pieces of paper. Quelle c'est le pointe?
I don't know.
Except to make my life harder.
So I typed up my essays and had to copy them by hand.
Our essays were supposed to be five pages and I thought I had mine worked out so that it would be five exactly.
And it was seven.
ARGGGH.
Took forever and my fingertipses are numb.
Ugh.
Trying to regain feeling in them while simultaneously avoiding sleep so that I may finish (read: begin) my freaking Psych paper.
I'm starting to think to myself "Ya know...you could sleep until noon and get up and write your paper..."
But I probably should not.
UGH.
Nuh nuh nuh.
Day 58 continued - Just saying...
...a "Hey babe, I'm leaving for the field for (insert amount of time), I love you" would have been nice.
>_<
>_<
Day 58 - "I've got like musical Tourette's right now!"
Haha, so after that happy update.
I did in fact dope myself up and sleep all day. Seven until four-thirty. Just got up to go out with my KPhi family. Brie, Carmen, Bianca, Nicolette, Deanna, Tessa, and myself at Hunan Garden. It was great, I love my peoples. Especially my big. We went to Wal-mart after Hunan Garden to get Grandbig, aka Tessa, an ink cartridge for her printer and as we were leaving, Brie was singing the chipmunk Christmas song in a chipmunk voice. Well it sounded more like Stitch, but still, it was hilarious. She is definitely my big.
Oh and we went and saw Christmas lights. There is a neighborhood in Bethany, I think it was, an entire neighborhood that synchronizes its lights to music! It was amazing. I wish the parentals would bring my little sisters to OKC so they could see it.
I'm supposed to be writing a bib lit paper as well as a Psych paper but I must do this first.
I must.
And dance madly to Mindless Self Indulgence.
It's like a rave in my head.
JK JK JK LOLOLOL I HEART YOUR FUCKING MAKEUP DID OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR HAIR IS THAT A NEW TATTOO DID THAT PIERCING FUCKING HURT NOW JK JK JK LOLOLOL
Now it's Medic Droid. Fun stuff.
I don't think Jalisa likes my music.
Oh well.
La la la.
So. We learned in Psych about infant determinism.
So say a mom leaves a baby.
And comes back.
The baby misses her and is happy when she returns.
Then she leaves.
And comes back.
And leaves.
And comes back.
Gone.
Back.
Gone.
Back.
Eventually the baby stops caring whether the mom is there or not.
And this affects the baby later in life, determining their adult psychological profile.
Thus, infant determinism.
I think I am developing this abandoned baby whatsit.
GONE.
BACK.
GONE.
BACK.
GONE.
"We're not falling in love, we're just falling apart, come on let's dance the night away! THIS IS HOW THE BEAT DROPS THIS IS HOW THE BEAT DROPS"
I did in fact dope myself up and sleep all day. Seven until four-thirty. Just got up to go out with my KPhi family. Brie, Carmen, Bianca, Nicolette, Deanna, Tessa, and myself at Hunan Garden. It was great, I love my peoples. Especially my big. We went to Wal-mart after Hunan Garden to get Grandbig, aka Tessa, an ink cartridge for her printer and as we were leaving, Brie was singing the chipmunk Christmas song in a chipmunk voice. Well it sounded more like Stitch, but still, it was hilarious. She is definitely my big.
Oh and we went and saw Christmas lights. There is a neighborhood in Bethany, I think it was, an entire neighborhood that synchronizes its lights to music! It was amazing. I wish the parentals would bring my little sisters to OKC so they could see it.
I'm supposed to be writing a bib lit paper as well as a Psych paper but I must do this first.
I must.
And dance madly to Mindless Self Indulgence.
It's like a rave in my head.
JK JK JK LOLOLOL I HEART YOUR FUCKING MAKEUP DID OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR HAIR IS THAT A NEW TATTOO DID THAT PIERCING FUCKING HURT NOW JK JK JK LOLOLOL
Now it's Medic Droid. Fun stuff.
I don't think Jalisa likes my music.
Oh well.
La la la.
So. We learned in Psych about infant determinism.
So say a mom leaves a baby.
And comes back.
The baby misses her and is happy when she returns.
Then she leaves.
And comes back.
And leaves.
And comes back.
Gone.
Back.
Gone.
Back.
Eventually the baby stops caring whether the mom is there or not.
And this affects the baby later in life, determining their adult psychological profile.
Thus, infant determinism.
I think I am developing this abandoned baby whatsit.
GONE.
BACK.
GONE.
BACK.
GONE.
"We're not falling in love, we're just falling apart, come on let's dance the night away! THIS IS HOW THE BEAT DROPS THIS IS HOW THE BEAT DROPS"
Monday, December 13, 2010
Day 57 - PAIN!
UGGGGGGH.
My stomach hurts.
I hate being a girl.
Dying.
UGH.
UGH.
UGH.
Sitting in the SGA office with Jalisa. We're supposed to go get breakfast in...18 minutes.
But my stomach/back are hurting so bad right now, I don't think I would enjoy it anyways, so que l'est le pointe?
I DON'T KNOW.
Think I'll just go dope myself up unhealthily on ibuprofen.
And sleep.
My stomach hurts.
I hate being a girl.
Dying.
UGH.
UGH.
UGH.
Sitting in the SGA office with Jalisa. We're supposed to go get breakfast in...18 minutes.
But my stomach/back are hurting so bad right now, I don't think I would enjoy it anyways, so que l'est le pointe?
I DON'T KNOW.
Think I'll just go dope myself up unhealthily on ibuprofen.
And sleep.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Day 56 continued - Pediatrics?!?
So. Epiphany.
Life-altering decision.
I may have just decided to become a pediatrician rather than a child psychologist.
MAYBE.
I don't know yet. It's still in the consideration phase.
But honestly, I'm thinking I might just do that.
What I'm thinking now is (possibly) dropping the art major after this year, and adding the pre-med option, along with the child advocacy minor.
So I'd be a pre-med psychology major with a child advocacy minor, art therapy emphasis, maybe an art minor, and go to medical school afterwards for pediatrics.
Maybe.
Or just be a psycholog major with a child advocacy minor, art therapy emphasis, maybe an art minor, and go to graduate school for child psychology.
WHO KNOWS!
I'm excited though.
...or maybe I just want to succeed where Jalisa has failed. haha. That may be it, but I do think I would love being a pediatrician.
:)
Life-altering decision.
I may have just decided to become a pediatrician rather than a child psychologist.
MAYBE.
I don't know yet. It's still in the consideration phase.
But honestly, I'm thinking I might just do that.
What I'm thinking now is (possibly) dropping the art major after this year, and adding the pre-med option, along with the child advocacy minor.
So I'd be a pre-med psychology major with a child advocacy minor, art therapy emphasis, maybe an art minor, and go to medical school afterwards for pediatrics.
Maybe.
Or just be a psycholog major with a child advocacy minor, art therapy emphasis, maybe an art minor, and go to graduate school for child psychology.
WHO KNOWS!
I'm excited though.
...or maybe I just want to succeed where Jalisa has failed. haha. That may be it, but I do think I would love being a pediatrician.
:)
56 Days - Zombie Love
Me and Sonny are going to become zombies and live forever and evers in zombie love-osity.
AHHHHH!
Anyways.
I'm in an odd mood.
I've been reading the Georgia Nicolson series again and it's just inspiring all kinds of randomness.
Oh and I took a Cosmo survey and it makes me look like a very bad girl indeed...
Just saying.
But I'm pretty sure I'm not any worse than average, really...
...it's not that I've done debaucherous things with a lot of people...
...I've just done a lot of debaucherous things with one person. haha.
Anyways.
Now that we've made me look like a sexual deviant.
So. I went into Staples the other day.
And found a bazillion more techy gadgets that I want.
Complete and total Christmas list:
Estimated total before tax: $584.
Not too terrible.
However, I can cross number 5 off my list unless I figure out how to salvage my phone account. That'll knock another 70 off.
Sigh.
Not that much. I'll probably buy some of it for myself with my scholarship refund. If I have to start paying my own cellphone bill, I'll probably not get a car, just put it all into my cellphone bill.
MAGNIFICENT IDEA!
So I had the idea JUST NOW, that what I should do is get my own AT&T account, unlimited texting, not many minutes, and the regular data plan for just my phone.
AND THEN.
Get a BoostMobile phone with the unlimited monthly plan and international connect, to text Sonny on.
Then that would only be 55, maybe less if I can figure out how to get a texting only plan plus international connect.
Genius.
Idk, figuring up how much all this texting was costing me, I might just ask Sonny what he thinks a better plan would be.
Just get my phone and the other to text with.
Or just get my phone and not worry about it.
Because apparently it was costing him bunches too.
He might just want to forego texting.
Hmmmmmm...
More on this later.
AHHHHH!
Anyways.
I'm in an odd mood.
I've been reading the Georgia Nicolson series again and it's just inspiring all kinds of randomness.
Oh and I took a Cosmo survey and it makes me look like a very bad girl indeed...
Just saying.
But I'm pretty sure I'm not any worse than average, really...
...it's not that I've done debaucherous things with a lot of people...
...I've just done a lot of debaucherous things with one person. haha.
Anyways.
Now that we've made me look like a sexual deviant.
So. I went into Staples the other day.
And found a bazillion more techy gadgets that I want.
Complete and total Christmas list:
- Bamboo Fun tablet = $200
- 2 Gig Smartpen and the journal and leather case = $150
- Personal Keurig mini-brewer, with apple cider and hot chocolate as well as coffee K-cups = $144
- Microsoft Office 2011 for Mac = $120
- A new Fitted iPhone case and complete GhostArmor = $70
Estimated total before tax: $584.
Not too terrible.
However, I can cross number 5 off my list unless I figure out how to salvage my phone account. That'll knock another 70 off.
Sigh.
Not that much. I'll probably buy some of it for myself with my scholarship refund. If I have to start paying my own cellphone bill, I'll probably not get a car, just put it all into my cellphone bill.
MAGNIFICENT IDEA!
So I had the idea JUST NOW, that what I should do is get my own AT&T account, unlimited texting, not many minutes, and the regular data plan for just my phone.
AND THEN.
Get a BoostMobile phone with the unlimited monthly plan and international connect, to text Sonny on.
Then that would only be 55, maybe less if I can figure out how to get a texting only plan plus international connect.
Genius.
Idk, figuring up how much all this texting was costing me, I might just ask Sonny what he thinks a better plan would be.
Just get my phone and the other to text with.
Or just get my phone and not worry about it.
Because apparently it was costing him bunches too.
He might just want to forego texting.
Hmmmmmm...
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Day 53
I love my job.
The counselors had the AIS/Clara Luper event today and they all went and afterwards brought us some of the pizza and pops back.
Yay. Good vibes.
They also don't care that much if we stand around and talk for thirty minutes over the pizza instead of calling "prospective students." Which are more like students who filled out the one information card and have probably forgotten that they did.
I think Rae wants me to go out with her tonight, but I can't unless she can get me back by eleven tomorrow, because I'm supposed to be filmed for the "Get the Wesley Center it's own building!" video at 11:30. And can't very well show up terrible looking and smelling like cigarettes and booze.
So I might just not go.
Plus, haha, Austin, Sharmaine, and I are going to go donate plasma tomorrow. True story.
Austin started talking about donating plasma tomorrow and I said, "Oh, I've been thinking about doing that" and he asked if I wanted to go at one. So I said sure.
Then Sharmaine started asking about it and said she wanted to go.
PLASMA DONATING PARTY.
Oh my life.
I'm pretty much done with class this week. I think I'll work on Saturday though, get some more moneys.
Next week, I'm more excited about the various activities than being done with finals.
Massages Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Pizza Feast on Monday.
Honors Christmas Dinner Wednesday, possibly followed by Arbonne Christmas party.
Christmas party at work on Thursday.
Home on Friday.
Yay!
The counselors had the AIS/Clara Luper event today and they all went and afterwards brought us some of the pizza and pops back.
Yay. Good vibes.
They also don't care that much if we stand around and talk for thirty minutes over the pizza instead of calling "prospective students." Which are more like students who filled out the one information card and have probably forgotten that they did.
I think Rae wants me to go out with her tonight, but I can't unless she can get me back by eleven tomorrow, because I'm supposed to be filmed for the "Get the Wesley Center it's own building!" video at 11:30. And can't very well show up terrible looking and smelling like cigarettes and booze.
So I might just not go.
Plus, haha, Austin, Sharmaine, and I are going to go donate plasma tomorrow. True story.
Austin started talking about donating plasma tomorrow and I said, "Oh, I've been thinking about doing that" and he asked if I wanted to go at one. So I said sure.
Then Sharmaine started asking about it and said she wanted to go.
PLASMA DONATING PARTY.
Oh my life.
I'm pretty much done with class this week. I think I'll work on Saturday though, get some more moneys.
Next week, I'm more excited about the various activities than being done with finals.
Massages Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Pizza Feast on Monday.
Honors Christmas Dinner Wednesday, possibly followed by Arbonne Christmas party.
Christmas party at work on Thursday.
Home on Friday.
Yay!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Day 50 - continued
Well the stupid Apps paper didn't write itself, but I finished it.
5:30 to 10:15, solidly working on it.
AHHH.
But oh well. I wasn't as rushed as I thought I'd be.
I even had time to go back to my room and change and put makeup on and fix my hair and make myself look somewhat presentable.
Drawing class was cancelled today because apparently Professor Wood is sick. When I got the email around nine something, I was super excited because I took it as meaning that I could both have lunch and take a nap until work. So I called Jalisa to tell her that I still had the popcorn with me from last time and she said we should get lunch. Well when I was sitting in Art History, Brie the Big text me telling me I should come to lunch at Carmen's apartment with her and Carmen and Tessa.
So I text Jalisa and told her that I was going to go eat lunch with them and she didn't say anything.
Then I get on Facebook a couple of minutes later to find this as her status: "
5:30 to 10:15, solidly working on it.
AHHH.
But oh well. I wasn't as rushed as I thought I'd be.
I even had time to go back to my room and change and put makeup on and fix my hair and make myself look somewhat presentable.
Drawing class was cancelled today because apparently Professor Wood is sick. When I got the email around nine something, I was super excited because I took it as meaning that I could both have lunch and take a nap until work. So I called Jalisa to tell her that I still had the popcorn with me from last time and she said we should get lunch. Well when I was sitting in Art History, Brie the Big text me telling me I should come to lunch at Carmen's apartment with her and Carmen and Tessa.
So I text Jalisa and told her that I was going to go eat lunch with them and she didn't say anything.
Then I get on Facebook a couple of minutes later to find this as her status: "
Day 50
"its cause i love you babe i dont want you to get hurt or anything im not there to protect you..its my natural instinct to protect you <3"
"and ill protect you for forever:)"
"Its cause im in love with you!"
Right when I think he's said the most amazing thing ever to me, he says something else to make me all melty.
Part of me wants to go nuhhhhh for feeling all melty, but the other part is really really happy.
But all of me loves him. :)
Why won't this damn Applications paper write itself?
"and ill protect you for forever:)"
"Its cause im in love with you!"
Right when I think he's said the most amazing thing ever to me, he says something else to make me all melty.
Part of me wants to go nuhhhhh for feeling all melty, but the other part is really really happy.
But all of me loves him. :)
Why won't this damn Applications paper write itself?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Still Day 44
Told you I'd write more! :)
So I just found out my Intro to Psych class for the day is cancelled because my (brilliant) professor apparently has come under the influence of "some flu-type crud". Yay. I think I'll try to go into work early. Three to eight. I really hope we get our checks early. Cuz that'll be quite the chunk of change for Christmas presents.
------
Figured it up. I just got a check for 41.98, I'm going to get a check for 72.50, and if it works out the way I want it too, my check that I will hopefully get before Christmas will be $286.375.
What is that? 400.85!
Oh yes.
But if my Saturdays don't work out, and the Monday of finals week doesn't work out, it'll just be $335.60.
Buuuuut...I really want it to be more.
So I've bought Annika's so far. A $35 donation to an animal shelter, that will provide a dog or a cat (preferably a dog) with healthcare. I think she'll like it.
Juli will be easy, an iCarly microphone I saw at Wal-mart, $15.
Lauren is relatively easy, I'll probably spend about $20 on her, just to be fair.
Sonny's is somewhat difficult because I'm having to choose between two different things. One will definitely have to be ordered, the other I could get at the mall. Either way it would get there after Christmas, most likely, because I have to get it with my check on the 15th, because they're both pretty expensive. I think I'll go with the more expensive gift, because honestly I think it'll be a pretty amazing gift...at least, I hope so. I hope he likes it...
So I just looked up guidelines on sending things to Korea! And have the APO address. Yay! This should be easier than I thought, I think.
Here's my Christmas list so far.
Annika
Juli
Lauren
Mom
Dad
Sonny
Jalisa
Big
Grandma Alline
Grandma Mary
Keka - Probably a drawing or something
Samantha
Tori
Yay! Superexciting.
:)
So I just found out my Intro to Psych class for the day is cancelled because my (brilliant) professor apparently has come under the influence of "some flu-type crud". Yay. I think I'll try to go into work early. Three to eight. I really hope we get our checks early. Cuz that'll be quite the chunk of change for Christmas presents.
------
Figured it up. I just got a check for 41.98, I'm going to get a check for 72.50, and if it works out the way I want it too, my check that I will hopefully get before Christmas will be $286.375.
What is that? 400.85!
Oh yes.
But if my Saturdays don't work out, and the Monday of finals week doesn't work out, it'll just be $335.60.
Buuuuut...I really want it to be more.
So I've bought Annika's so far. A $35 donation to an animal shelter, that will provide a dog or a cat (preferably a dog) with healthcare. I think she'll like it.
Juli will be easy, an iCarly microphone I saw at Wal-mart, $15.
Lauren is relatively easy, I'll probably spend about $20 on her, just to be fair.
Sonny's is somewhat difficult because I'm having to choose between two different things. One will definitely have to be ordered, the other I could get at the mall. Either way it would get there after Christmas, most likely, because I have to get it with my check on the 15th, because they're both pretty expensive. I think I'll go with the more expensive gift, because honestly I think it'll be a pretty amazing gift...at least, I hope so. I hope he likes it...
So I just looked up guidelines on sending things to Korea! And have the APO address. Yay! This should be easier than I thought, I think.
Here's my Christmas list so far.
Annika
Juli
Lauren
Mom
Dad
Sonny
Jalisa
Big
Grandma Alline
Grandma Mary
Keka - Probably a drawing or something
Samantha
Tori
Yay! Superexciting.
:)
Monday, November 29, 2010
Day 44, timeanddate.com tells me...
Or one month and fifteen days.
How about that? It's already been about a month and a half...
...that hasn't been so bad, I guess...
Skype probably helps, but now I have an aversion to Skype, so who knows what will happen now.
He's in "the field" now, I guess. He says his team will only take a couple of days, since they're so efficient, rather than the two weeks they were told they would take.
I miss him already.
Even though half the time something manages to bother me enough that I withdraw and make him miserable, I forget sometimes how much I love getting messages from him, even when they just say, "love you babe" or something along those lines.
Probably one of the best things he's said to me was the other day, when he said, "your my baby and my one and only love, im in love with you rachel denise johnson <3".
That kinda really made me unexplainably happy.
I'm a funny person. If you would have asked me before, I would have told you I'm nobody's baby. Shaun tried to call me that, and I told him not to EVER call me that. Noah tried to call me that. HELL. NO.
But from Sonny I like it.
I don't know, I guess...idk, maybe because...I feel like I've given myself completely over to him, I am his, and I feel like, when he calls me that, he's telling me he's going to love and protect me for forever.
Idk, maybe I'm weird, but that's how it makes me feel.
And maybe it's because I've never let anyone else call me that, that makes it more special. :)
And because I am kinda really sure he's never called anyone else that either. :)
But anyways.
Attempting to pull an all nighter tonight, to study for my art history exam tomorrow...
...and that sucks, because I had finally gotten my sleep schedule worked out right. Nuh.
I was only able to sleep though, because Sonny wasn't able to talk to me. It's pretty much physically impossible for me to sleep when I could be talking to him, it's a fact by this point.
So I didn't talk to him last night because he was on the field and actually slept from midnightish until 10:30. And it was nice.
Although I would have rather been talking to him, to be honest with you.
Oh yeah, I put up a Christmas tree today in my room. It's a miniature Christmas tree, 2 ft tall, and it has silver tinsel on it, and little miniature gold, silver, red, and green ornaments. It's pretty adorable. I thought about Sonny when I was decorating it. If you can't tell, I think about him a rather lot. But anyways, I was thinking that when we have our own place, we'll decorate it together. And when I was thinking about what to put on the top of the tree, I was thinking about how Jalisa says she puts an angel on the top of hers because it's a tradition with her family. I was thinking maybe Sonny and I could start our own tradition. :)
Anyways. What else to talk about? I think I'm about to give up on this all-nighter endeavor. That's what sucks about getting back on a reasonable sleep schedule...when you try to pull an all-nighter again, it doesn't work!!!
Nuh. I'll write more later.
How about that? It's already been about a month and a half...
...that hasn't been so bad, I guess...
Skype probably helps, but now I have an aversion to Skype, so who knows what will happen now.
He's in "the field" now, I guess. He says his team will only take a couple of days, since they're so efficient, rather than the two weeks they were told they would take.
I miss him already.
Even though half the time something manages to bother me enough that I withdraw and make him miserable, I forget sometimes how much I love getting messages from him, even when they just say, "love you babe" or something along those lines.
Probably one of the best things he's said to me was the other day, when he said, "your my baby and my one and only love, im in love with you rachel denise johnson <3".
That kinda really made me unexplainably happy.
I'm a funny person. If you would have asked me before, I would have told you I'm nobody's baby. Shaun tried to call me that, and I told him not to EVER call me that. Noah tried to call me that. HELL. NO.
But from Sonny I like it.
I don't know, I guess...idk, maybe because...I feel like I've given myself completely over to him, I am his, and I feel like, when he calls me that, he's telling me he's going to love and protect me for forever.
Idk, maybe I'm weird, but that's how it makes me feel.
And maybe it's because I've never let anyone else call me that, that makes it more special. :)
And because I am kinda really sure he's never called anyone else that either. :)
But anyways.
Attempting to pull an all nighter tonight, to study for my art history exam tomorrow...
...and that sucks, because I had finally gotten my sleep schedule worked out right. Nuh.
I was only able to sleep though, because Sonny wasn't able to talk to me. It's pretty much physically impossible for me to sleep when I could be talking to him, it's a fact by this point.
So I didn't talk to him last night because he was on the field and actually slept from midnightish until 10:30. And it was nice.
Although I would have rather been talking to him, to be honest with you.
Oh yeah, I put up a Christmas tree today in my room. It's a miniature Christmas tree, 2 ft tall, and it has silver tinsel on it, and little miniature gold, silver, red, and green ornaments. It's pretty adorable. I thought about Sonny when I was decorating it. If you can't tell, I think about him a rather lot. But anyways, I was thinking that when we have our own place, we'll decorate it together. And when I was thinking about what to put on the top of the tree, I was thinking about how Jalisa says she puts an angel on the top of hers because it's a tradition with her family. I was thinking maybe Sonny and I could start our own tradition. :)
Anyways. What else to talk about? I think I'm about to give up on this all-nighter endeavor. That's what sucks about getting back on a reasonable sleep schedule...when you try to pull an all-nighter again, it doesn't work!!!
Nuh. I'll write more later.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Day 40, I suppose...
Know what?
I am a terrible person.
I am a terrible selfish person.
I am a terrible selfish person who overthinks everything.
I am a terrible selfish person who overthinks everything and will have a horrible Thanksgiving.
I am a terrible selfish person who overthinks everything and will have a horrible Thanksgiving and hates crying.
That is all.
I am a terrible person.
I am a terrible selfish person.
I am a terrible selfish person who overthinks everything.
I am a terrible selfish person who overthinks everything and will have a horrible Thanksgiving.
I am a terrible selfish person who overthinks everything and will have a horrible Thanksgiving and hates crying.
That is all.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Day...whatever.
I'm the only one awake now. Just now realized that Courtney and Patrick are all snuggled up, Sean and Cara are, and the other two people in here that I don't know are. Brie's on the floor, I'm in this chair. We're the only two not cuddled up with someone.
Except for me and Jose the teddy bear, which Brie incidentally got for me. I got him from my room when I saw that Courtney had brought her panda out. Poor Jose though, the top of his head is wet. Nuhhhhh.
I watched Aladdin all by myself. Yay, happy ending.
Know what sucks? A happy ending doesn't happen for everything...you really think it will then it doesn't. Like Kevin and Winnie. The whole world knew they were supposed to live happily ever after and they didn't. How dumb.
But then again...what's so bad about being alone, considering the alternative?
Know what I realized? When my laptop is shut and sleeping, the silver (can light be silver?) power light fades in and out like it's breathing. How about that. Think I'm just going to match my breathing to its and try to sleep...
Except for me and Jose the teddy bear, which Brie incidentally got for me. I got him from my room when I saw that Courtney had brought her panda out. Poor Jose though, the top of his head is wet. Nuhhhhh.
I watched Aladdin all by myself. Yay, happy ending.
Know what sucks? A happy ending doesn't happen for everything...you really think it will then it doesn't. Like Kevin and Winnie. The whole world knew they were supposed to live happily ever after and they didn't. How dumb.
But then again...what's so bad about being alone, considering the alternative?
Know what I realized? When my laptop is shut and sleeping, the silver (can light be silver?) power light fades in and out like it's breathing. How about that. Think I'm just going to match my breathing to its and try to sleep...
Friday, November 19, 2010
Day 34, maybe...
Decision of the night:
I need some insomniac friends.
5 AM is lonely when you're the only one awake.
Or maybe I should actually start sleeping at conventional times...
Well we've proved that to be pretty damn impossible, now haven't we?
Confound it.
I don't even know anymore.
I'm not going to French. What's another Friday?
I need some insomniac friends.
5 AM is lonely when you're the only one awake.
Or maybe I should actually start sleeping at conventional times...
Well we've proved that to be pretty damn impossible, now haven't we?
Confound it.
I don't even know anymore.
I'm not going to French. What's another Friday?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Day 32?
See, terrible.
Late night ramen runs. Oh, college.
Tonight was Kappa Phi's Agape Feast. Great sisterhood, great food. lol. Cheese and crackers and veggies and dip and fruit! PINEAPPLE. I told them they could all get me a pineapple for Christmas and I would be super happy. :)
After that, I went to Banning and got a cupcake from the cupcake decorating party then sat around and watched tv with my lovely Banning peoples. This Friday is the all-night party, with Thanksgiving food. From Cracker Barrel!!! And wings! YUM! Jalisa wants me to take her, but I don't think I will.
I love living in Banning. Always things to do. That's what's going to make me sad about next year if/when I live in Centennial. Buttt...I do like my privacy more than I thought. Anddd...if Sonny's just going to be in Lawton (please please please God), I'm gonna want my own bedroom. Hint hint. Anyways.
Went home this weekend. I missed my sisters. Especially after that dream about them getting in that car wreck with dad because he was drunk and Juli dying...
Geez, teared up again.
Anyways, the first night I was there, I was laying on the couch with Juli and she asked how long I would be there. And I told her two more days. Then she asked when I would be coming home forever. Awwww. I told her this summer, because it will feel like forever to her, even though I might be doing the Project Transformation thing...
Mom was just going to bring me back early on Monday morning, but dad decided they should all come. So we came up Sunday night and stayed in a hotel. Mom and dad had one bed, me and Juli had the other and Lauren and Annika slept on the floor. I wasn't able to sleep all night. At around six, mom told me I should get up and get ready to go, and right when she said that, Juli rolled over in her sleep and put her arm around my neck...geez :( She wasn't awake when I left though, and I was glad because she probably would have made me cry again.
...my stomach hurts and I've been all emotional. Haha, definitely not pregnant.
Nuh. I hate thinking about that...that everyone freaks out so much thinking I'm going to get pregnant and how TERRIBLE it would be. I mean...I don't want that to happen now...but at the same time, I hate that people make it sound like it would be the end of the world. Am I really supposed to tell my kids "Oh yeah, we were really glad you didn't come along any sooner, because we didn't want you." Really? Ugh. Idk. I just don't like it.
Made the decision today not to go to the Pearl Ball. I mean...I'm just so disillusioned with Alpha Chi. I mean, my sisters love me! They all really care about me! ...except they don't notice when I'm there or when I'm not. My big doesn't even care. Ugh. Plus I went all out for Victory and it was kinda really lame. So. Don't think I'm even going to bother. Jalisa thought it would be funny to tell Maria I wanted Fernie to go with me...which I didn't. Ugh. Hopefully she didn't ask him to go with me like she said she was going to, because that would just be awkward. Alley wanted me to go with her friend Nathan, but I didn't really want to go anyways so that's when I decided I wouldn't go. I'm just gonna...idk, do something else.
Blah...I have more to say, I think, but I don't wanna say it.
OH. I turned in the application for the college women's seminar in NYC. I'm so excited. I hope I get it...I really really hope I do.
...and I hope Jalisa doesn't. Idk. I just want to deflate her ego a bit. It sounds like a great experience. Jennifer said she was going to forward the information to me about it but David said he already had. And she says if I get to go, there's money in an account that they can give to me to help. YAY! I should find out by the 23rd. :)
This is to hoping I get it!
Late night ramen runs. Oh, college.
Tonight was Kappa Phi's Agape Feast. Great sisterhood, great food. lol. Cheese and crackers and veggies and dip and fruit! PINEAPPLE. I told them they could all get me a pineapple for Christmas and I would be super happy. :)
After that, I went to Banning and got a cupcake from the cupcake decorating party then sat around and watched tv with my lovely Banning peoples. This Friday is the all-night party, with Thanksgiving food. From Cracker Barrel!!! And wings! YUM! Jalisa wants me to take her, but I don't think I will.
I love living in Banning. Always things to do. That's what's going to make me sad about next year if/when I live in Centennial. Buttt...I do like my privacy more than I thought. Anddd...if Sonny's just going to be in Lawton (please please please God), I'm gonna want my own bedroom. Hint hint. Anyways.
Went home this weekend. I missed my sisters. Especially after that dream about them getting in that car wreck with dad because he was drunk and Juli dying...
Geez, teared up again.
Anyways, the first night I was there, I was laying on the couch with Juli and she asked how long I would be there. And I told her two more days. Then she asked when I would be coming home forever. Awwww. I told her this summer, because it will feel like forever to her, even though I might be doing the Project Transformation thing...
Mom was just going to bring me back early on Monday morning, but dad decided they should all come. So we came up Sunday night and stayed in a hotel. Mom and dad had one bed, me and Juli had the other and Lauren and Annika slept on the floor. I wasn't able to sleep all night. At around six, mom told me I should get up and get ready to go, and right when she said that, Juli rolled over in her sleep and put her arm around my neck...geez :( She wasn't awake when I left though, and I was glad because she probably would have made me cry again.
...my stomach hurts and I've been all emotional. Haha, definitely not pregnant.
Nuh. I hate thinking about that...that everyone freaks out so much thinking I'm going to get pregnant and how TERRIBLE it would be. I mean...I don't want that to happen now...but at the same time, I hate that people make it sound like it would be the end of the world. Am I really supposed to tell my kids "Oh yeah, we were really glad you didn't come along any sooner, because we didn't want you." Really? Ugh. Idk. I just don't like it.
Made the decision today not to go to the Pearl Ball. I mean...I'm just so disillusioned with Alpha Chi. I mean, my sisters love me! They all really care about me! ...except they don't notice when I'm there or when I'm not. My big doesn't even care. Ugh. Plus I went all out for Victory and it was kinda really lame. So. Don't think I'm even going to bother. Jalisa thought it would be funny to tell Maria I wanted Fernie to go with me...which I didn't. Ugh. Hopefully she didn't ask him to go with me like she said she was going to, because that would just be awkward. Alley wanted me to go with her friend Nathan, but I didn't really want to go anyways so that's when I decided I wouldn't go. I'm just gonna...idk, do something else.
Blah...I have more to say, I think, but I don't wanna say it.
OH. I turned in the application for the college women's seminar in NYC. I'm so excited. I hope I get it...I really really hope I do.
...and I hope Jalisa doesn't. Idk. I just want to deflate her ego a bit. It sounds like a great experience. Jennifer said she was going to forward the information to me about it but David said he already had. And she says if I get to go, there's money in an account that they can give to me to help. YAY! I should find out by the 23rd. :)
This is to hoping I get it!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Day 23, I guess
Blahhh.
For future reference, the sinks in Banning bathrooms don't run water hot enough to make acceptable hot chocolate.
Missed classes and work AND Evensong today because I was so tired. Pretty sure I slept for the better part of 24 hours. I hate being sick. Guess my fever's gone for now though.
Yesterday was fun.
Woke up at 10:15 to a call from Billy asking me if I was going to the service. Got up and got dressed then walked over there, quick practice then the service started. It was good, it just bothers me how apathetic all of the Clara Luper and AIS scholars are. Excuse me, it was your status as a minority that got you your scholarship...an hour and a half service too much for you? Give back the 25,000 dollars.
After that, they all piled in for lunch. They all got mad because they lined up real quick and we made them sit down so the guests could go first. And of course it works out that half of the people who helped don't get Indian tacos, i.e. me, Billy, Jalisa, and David. So David took us out to Chileno's and me and Jalis and Billy all ended up getting the Special Mexican dinner. Yum. I should stop thinking about it, because I haven't eaten all day and it sounds really really good right about now... =(
Anyways, at the service, Victoria had said that she really wanted cupcakes because she had had to miss her little cousin's birthday party to help serve lunch. So I told Billy that it would be really cute if her bought her a cupcake somewhere. So after lunch we went on a search for cupcakes, all over Bricktown. We thought we would just have to resort to Wal-mart, but leaving Bricktown, Billy spotted a place called Pinkitzel, candy and cupcakes. It was so funny, he goes "CANDY AND CUPCAKES! YEAH! YEAH!" haha. So we went in and he got Victoria a chocolate malt cupcake because he liked that it had a little pink and white straw sticking out of the top, lol, and bought me and Jalisa and Victoria candy. He's such a good guy, lol.
He made us give it to her though, because he doesn't want her to feel like he's being too mushy.
She loved it! I'm pretty sure we scored him some major points. =)
After we gave it to her, I went back to my room and passed out...and woke up with a fever. Ugh it sucked. Pretty sure I had it until this afternoon.
...and...other stuff happened. Don't feel like talking about it.
Blah.
For future reference, the sinks in Banning bathrooms don't run water hot enough to make acceptable hot chocolate.
Missed classes and work AND Evensong today because I was so tired. Pretty sure I slept for the better part of 24 hours. I hate being sick. Guess my fever's gone for now though.
Yesterday was fun.
Woke up at 10:15 to a call from Billy asking me if I was going to the service. Got up and got dressed then walked over there, quick practice then the service started. It was good, it just bothers me how apathetic all of the Clara Luper and AIS scholars are. Excuse me, it was your status as a minority that got you your scholarship...an hour and a half service too much for you? Give back the 25,000 dollars.
After that, they all piled in for lunch. They all got mad because they lined up real quick and we made them sit down so the guests could go first. And of course it works out that half of the people who helped don't get Indian tacos, i.e. me, Billy, Jalisa, and David. So David took us out to Chileno's and me and Jalis and Billy all ended up getting the Special Mexican dinner. Yum. I should stop thinking about it, because I haven't eaten all day and it sounds really really good right about now... =(
Anyways, at the service, Victoria had said that she really wanted cupcakes because she had had to miss her little cousin's birthday party to help serve lunch. So I told Billy that it would be really cute if her bought her a cupcake somewhere. So after lunch we went on a search for cupcakes, all over Bricktown. We thought we would just have to resort to Wal-mart, but leaving Bricktown, Billy spotted a place called Pinkitzel, candy and cupcakes. It was so funny, he goes "CANDY AND CUPCAKES! YEAH! YEAH!" haha. So we went in and he got Victoria a chocolate malt cupcake because he liked that it had a little pink and white straw sticking out of the top, lol, and bought me and Jalisa and Victoria candy. He's such a good guy, lol.
He made us give it to her though, because he doesn't want her to feel like he's being too mushy.
She loved it! I'm pretty sure we scored him some major points. =)
After we gave it to her, I went back to my room and passed out...and woke up with a fever. Ugh it sucked. Pretty sure I had it until this afternoon.
...and...other stuff happened. Don't feel like talking about it.
Blah.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Day 18
See, I told you, I'm terrible about not updating.
But I suppose I have an excuse...Homecoming madness.
Arrggh.
My knees hurt from lipsync practice, falling to the ground and whatnot.
It's currently 12:30--
--no, wait, it's 12:59. I just got distracted for 29 minutes messing with an app that was supposed to turn my iPhone into a mouse for my Macbook.
Geez.
Anyways. What's happened? Sonny finally got a new laptop and internet. So I've been staying up absurdly late just to talk to him. The first night it was until 8 AM, last night it was until 6 AM. Kinda really ridiculous.
I know it's terrible for me to stay up so late just to talk to him, but honestly, I get caught up with doing other stuff and end up staying up until two or three anyways, what's another hour?
And after I start Skyping with him, it's hard to get off. lol
But anyways. Idk, the first time I saw him over the webcam...idk, it just made me happy.
He looked different...somehow. Idk. Maybe I was just really happy to see him again. =)
Got distracted again. It is now 1:18. But it's because I was putting my new classes into iCal and color-coordinating them and whatnot, because I am a freak.
It'll help in the long run!
...even though it is distracting me from my paper for Cataldi at the moment.
Oh well.
Wanna know my schedule? Sure ya do!
But I suppose I have an excuse...Homecoming madness.
Arrggh.
My knees hurt from lipsync practice, falling to the ground and whatnot.
It's currently 12:30--
--no, wait, it's 12:59. I just got distracted for 29 minutes messing with an app that was supposed to turn my iPhone into a mouse for my Macbook.
Geez.
Anyways. What's happened? Sonny finally got a new laptop and internet. So I've been staying up absurdly late just to talk to him. The first night it was until 8 AM, last night it was until 6 AM. Kinda really ridiculous.
I know it's terrible for me to stay up so late just to talk to him, but honestly, I get caught up with doing other stuff and end up staying up until two or three anyways, what's another hour?
And after I start Skyping with him, it's hard to get off. lol
But anyways. Idk, the first time I saw him over the webcam...idk, it just made me happy.
He looked different...somehow. Idk. Maybe I was just really happy to see him again. =)
Got distracted again. It is now 1:18. But it's because I was putting my new classes into iCal and color-coordinating them and whatnot, because I am a freak.
It'll help in the long run!
...even though it is distracting me from my paper for Cataldi at the moment.
Oh well.
Wanna know my schedule? Sure ya do!
- Art History Survey II ------------------- MW ------------- 9:30-10:15
- Critical Thinking ------------------------ TTh ------------- 9:30-10:15
- Honors Colloquium -------------------- W -----------------12:30-1:20
- Foundation 3D Design ---------------- MW -------------- 2:30-5:00
- Elementary French II ------------------ TTh -------------- 2:30-3:45
- Careers in Psychology ---------------- TTh -------------- 6:30-7:15
Not too bad. Only 16 hours though. I wanted more but Hakman really didn't want me to have to file a petition.
Hmmm.
I really like Hakman though. Even though now I kinda suspect that perhaps Jowaisas was supposed to be my advisor...oh well.
La la la.
Guess I'll try to do my paper now.
...expect me back soon enough, probably. =)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Day 9
It's still Tuesday in my head, but I suppose it will date this as Wednesday the 27th, and therefore Day 9, so whatevs.
I found out who my big is tonight! It's Brie! Yay!
I love it! She was my first preference, so this makes me happy!
It was a good night, after reveal we went and sat in Carmen's apartment and had cookies, and later, Taco Bell! I love these people, we have got to hang out more often. =)
That's about it. =)
I found out who my big is tonight! It's Brie! Yay!
I love it! She was my first preference, so this makes me happy!
It was a good night, after reveal we went and sat in Carmen's apartment and had cookies, and later, Taco Bell! I love these people, we have got to hang out more often. =)
That's about it. =)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Day 6
Well, I'm back at OCU.
I went home for the weekend. It was good...even if I did have to sleep on the couch. I got to eat my mom's cooking, and visit her church, and lay around with my little sisters and goof around with them. It was just what I needed.
I also discovered my cure, I think.
Whenever I start feeling crappy about Sonny being gone, or thinking of all the bad things that could possibly happen, or worrying if we'll last with the distance, it helps if I think about the future.
Talking about the future with him is even better, but just thinking about it helps too.
I know everybody says (and specifically tells me) that it's not goodbye, only see you later, it won't last forever, the six months will fly by...
But honestly, it won't. It didn't last time, and it won't this time.
I can't make myself feel better by trying to tell myself it will go faster, when I logically know it won't.
What will have to get me by is that it is not forever, that he will come back eventually and we will have years and years together. =)
Is that the same thing? In my head it's not.
Last night we were talking about holidays, how Christmases and Thanksgivings were when we were kids, and it just made me happy. Probably the most content I've been since he left.
My favorite thing that he said was when we were talking about Thanksgiving and trying to decide whose family we'd spend it with, he said, "We can have our own Thanksgiving when we have kiddos =)"
I love him for remarks like that. I mean...I love that he's as serious about this as I am.
We're in this for a long haul. I mean, he was gone for six entire months and yet he came back and we still fit so well together, it was as if he never left.
We're not just playing around. =)
P.S. He said he's going to buy me an engagement ring sometime soon. Shh, don't tell. =)
I went home for the weekend. It was good...even if I did have to sleep on the couch. I got to eat my mom's cooking, and visit her church, and lay around with my little sisters and goof around with them. It was just what I needed.
I also discovered my cure, I think.
Whenever I start feeling crappy about Sonny being gone, or thinking of all the bad things that could possibly happen, or worrying if we'll last with the distance, it helps if I think about the future.
Talking about the future with him is even better, but just thinking about it helps too.
I know everybody says (and specifically tells me) that it's not goodbye, only see you later, it won't last forever, the six months will fly by...
But honestly, it won't. It didn't last time, and it won't this time.
I can't make myself feel better by trying to tell myself it will go faster, when I logically know it won't.
What will have to get me by is that it is not forever, that he will come back eventually and we will have years and years together. =)
Is that the same thing? In my head it's not.
Last night we were talking about holidays, how Christmases and Thanksgivings were when we were kids, and it just made me happy. Probably the most content I've been since he left.
My favorite thing that he said was when we were talking about Thanksgiving and trying to decide whose family we'd spend it with, he said, "We can have our own Thanksgiving when we have kiddos =)"
I love him for remarks like that. I mean...I love that he's as serious about this as I am.
We're in this for a long haul. I mean, he was gone for six entire months and yet he came back and we still fit so well together, it was as if he never left.
We're not just playing around. =)
P.S. He said he's going to buy me an engagement ring sometime soon. Shh, don't tell. =)
Friday, October 22, 2010
Day 4
Well today's kind of a blahhy day, so I decided listing things I like will make it better.
I like:
my makeup today.
Mountain Dew.
horror movies on AMC.
Sonny.
when Sonny kisses me on the hand.
when Sonny kisses me on the forehead or cheek.
the way Sonny looked at me when he said he was falling in love with me all over again.
laying in my bed with Sonny.
the way Sonny holds me when I'm crying.
the way Sonny wipes my tears away and tells me I'm still the most beautiful girl in the world.
...crap, now my eyes are all watery.
Blah blah blah.
The family should be here in approximately twenty minutes.
Sleepwalkers is on AMC right now.
It reminds me of when I was little and we lived in the apartment in Idabel and Maxine and Ted would bring Cameron and Brett over, along with a couple of two-liters of pop and snacks, and we'd watch this movie.
My toes are cold.
I kinda want some chamomile tea.
But I'm too lazy to get up and drag the microwave out from under Stacie's bed.
Cold cold cold.
I think it's colder in my room than it is outside.
Know what I should be doing? My shoe drawing for drawing class, studying for my art history test, writing a psych paper, studying for French.
Know what I'm going to do? Put Lady Gaga back on my iPhone, along with the videos of me and Sonny.
Rawr.
I like:
my makeup today.
Mountain Dew.
horror movies on AMC.
Sonny.
when Sonny kisses me on the hand.
when Sonny kisses me on the forehead or cheek.
the way Sonny looked at me when he said he was falling in love with me all over again.
laying in my bed with Sonny.
the way Sonny holds me when I'm crying.
the way Sonny wipes my tears away and tells me I'm still the most beautiful girl in the world.
...crap, now my eyes are all watery.
Blah blah blah.
The family should be here in approximately twenty minutes.
Sleepwalkers is on AMC right now.
It reminds me of when I was little and we lived in the apartment in Idabel and Maxine and Ted would bring Cameron and Brett over, along with a couple of two-liters of pop and snacks, and we'd watch this movie.
My toes are cold.
I kinda want some chamomile tea.
But I'm too lazy to get up and drag the microwave out from under Stacie's bed.
Cold cold cold.
I think it's colder in my room than it is outside.
Know what I should be doing? My shoe drawing for drawing class, studying for my art history test, writing a psych paper, studying for French.
Know what I'm going to do? Put Lady Gaga back on my iPhone, along with the videos of me and Sonny.
Rawr.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Day 3
Well, I suppose I'm falling back into some semblance of routine.
Thursdays have become the worst day of the week, though.
Here's how it goes down:
Thursdays have become the worst day of the week, though.
Here's how it goes down:
- Wake up at 10:30 to go to Apps in Psych, or earlier if I have something I need to finish
- Go to lunch afterwards
- Head back to the room to clean it up and finish anything for Bib Lit
- Got to Bib Lit at 2:30
- Head straight to Honors Intro to Psych at 4
- Head straight to work at 5:30, and work until 7
And in the case of today, it was head straight to the Alpha Chi house to get my envelopes and letters for the St. Jude's fundraiser, then straight to my room to fill out said letters, address said envelopes and stuff said letters into said envelopes.
THIRTY freaking FIVE of them!!!
Ugh. It took forever and three years.
During which I had a migraine.
I never really realized how much I need time to just sit and relax at some point in my day. I can't run around like a crazy person, or I drive myself crazy with stress.
It doesn't help that my Fall Break was terrible.
I think I'm gonna drop something. I'm not sure what.
I'm thinking Alpha Chi or work.
...considering Alpha Chi doesn't get me 100 dollars every two weeks, I think I know what I'm choosing.
P.S. I figured out how to text message South Korea.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Day 1
Well, this is only my...probably fourth or fifth blog, I think.
I always start them and never keep up with them.
Maybe it'll be better this time.
What's the point of this? Well, right now it's to keep me from driving myself into clinical depression and/or insanity because the only thing that keeps me sane is currently flying halfway across the world.
But let's not get into that.
I'm Rachel.
(Rachie, Rachello, Wa-Wa, Achie, whatevs)
I'm 18 and a freshman in college, majoring in Studio Art and Psychology, with a minor in Child Advocacy Studies, plus an emphasis in Art Therapy and Pre-professional studies.
Yeahhh.
464 days.
That's how long I've been with the love of my life.
I've only known him for, only about, well, idk, 15 years.
He's the only part of my future that I'm sure about.
He's on his way to Korea.
Dumb Korea.
First Georgia stole him, now Korea has.
Arggh argggh arghhh.
He's on the flight right now.
Let's sleep forever.
I always start them and never keep up with them.
Maybe it'll be better this time.
What's the point of this? Well, right now it's to keep me from driving myself into clinical depression and/or insanity because the only thing that keeps me sane is currently flying halfway across the world.
But let's not get into that.
I'm Rachel.
(Rachie, Rachello, Wa-Wa, Achie, whatevs)
I'm 18 and a freshman in college, majoring in Studio Art and Psychology, with a minor in Child Advocacy Studies, plus an emphasis in Art Therapy and Pre-professional studies.
Yeahhh.
464 days.
That's how long I've been with the love of my life.
I've only known him for, only about, well, idk, 15 years.
He's the only part of my future that I'm sure about.
He's on his way to Korea.
Dumb Korea.
First Georgia stole him, now Korea has.
Arggh argggh arghhh.
He's on the flight right now.
Let's sleep forever.
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