Christmas at least.
My family has ruined it for me.
I wish Sonny was here, or even awake to talk to me, but he's not.
Crying and listening to Wonderful by Everclear.
Isn't everything wonderful now?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Day 59 - My sex life is ruined.
Seriously.
I may never be able to do anything again.
Okay, now don't get me wrong. I know people have casual sex.
I know there are portrayals of near-strangers having sex everywhere you turn.
But reading what Jalisa wrote to STRANGERS...
...it cheapens it for me.
I can't decide what it is.
Is it because she was discussing things that I do with Sonny because I am in love (okay, and a little but of lust) ((or maybe a lot...BUT ANYWAYS)) with him, when she couldn't possibly be with anyone else?
...or was it just the juxtaposition of her with sexual situations just disgusting to me?
That sounds terrible, but honestly.
I saw those pictures and was just like...erlack.
Ugh.
UGHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm going to have to go through sex therapy.
I may never be able to do anything again.
Okay, now don't get me wrong. I know people have casual sex.
I know there are portrayals of near-strangers having sex everywhere you turn.
But reading what Jalisa wrote to STRANGERS...
...it cheapens it for me.
I can't decide what it is.
Is it because she was discussing things that I do with Sonny because I am in love (okay, and a little but of lust) ((or maybe a lot...BUT ANYWAYS)) with him, when she couldn't possibly be with anyone else?
...or was it just the juxtaposition of her with sexual situations just disgusting to me?
That sounds terrible, but honestly.
I saw those pictures and was just like...erlack.
Ugh.
UGHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm going to have to go through sex therapy.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
DAY 59 - OH. MY. GOSH.
FORGET THE LONELINESS.
My eyes may now be scarred for life.
Let's just say...
...if I ever need to blackmail Jalisa...
I could.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
My eyes may now be scarred for life.
Let's just say...
...if I ever need to blackmail Jalisa...
I could.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Day 58 - that I haven't kissed anyone.
58 days. Well I suppose I went 16 years, then a couple of months, then six months after Sonny left for training.
BUT STILL.
Ugh. The Georgia Nicolson series is the worst to read when you haven't anyone to kiss.
Because every other page is snogging, as the British so amusingly call it.
It's not fair.
It has inspired me to add another thing to le list.
9. Lay in my bed and just kiss for at least two hours. Maybe more. More than two hours, I mean, not more than kiss. Well, maybe some feeling up. But no non-clothedness!
Because I miss kissing. I mean, I miss non-clothedness too, but not as much really...I miss cuddling and kissing. I feel like lately we had been just been jumping right past the kissing and cuddling kinda, and jumping right into groininess and skipping the cuddly bits.
And I missss ittttt.
Uh. NUH.
BREAKING NEWS: David just text me and told me I had a good final. WOOT!
Anyways. So in the Georgia Nicolson series, she pines after this guy, le Sex God, Robbie, for a couple of months then they finally kinda get together, then don't, then get together for real, then he leaves her for forevers for a foreign land.
Sound familiar?
But while he's gone, she has Dave the Laugh to talk to, and snog occasionally, then another dishy bloke (haha, I love British talk) comes along, the Italian stallion, the Luuuurve God, Masimo. And the snog and whatnot and she really think she likes him.
I wish I had a Dave to talk to, especially when Sonny goes on his "field" thingies and I'm just kind've abandoned...(without a "hey babe, I'm leaving for the field, I love you so much I'll think about you every second blah blah blah" JUST SAYING.)
NOT TO SNOG, though. I couldn't do that.
I just feel like...abandoned.
It's like...I have no one to talk to really. I have all kinds of college friends, Lindey and I have seem to become especially close, as well as my KPhi family, but still. It's not the same.
I don't talk to Jalisa, because I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.
And I can't really talk to Tori because she's a working girl now, and doesn't keep the bizarre hours that I keep...
...Sonny was who I talked to about these things.
Except complaining.
Which is probably what I'm doing now.
And he'll probably read it.
Ah bugger.
But still...it's just...nuh...
Why do I feel so alone?
BUT STILL.
Ugh. The Georgia Nicolson series is the worst to read when you haven't anyone to kiss.
Because every other page is snogging, as the British so amusingly call it.
It's not fair.
It has inspired me to add another thing to le list.
9. Lay in my bed and just kiss for at least two hours. Maybe more. More than two hours, I mean, not more than kiss. Well, maybe some feeling up. But no non-clothedness!
Because I miss kissing. I mean, I miss non-clothedness too, but not as much really...I miss cuddling and kissing. I feel like lately we had been just been jumping right past the kissing and cuddling kinda, and jumping right into groininess and skipping the cuddly bits.
And I missss ittttt.
Uh. NUH.
BREAKING NEWS: David just text me and told me I had a good final. WOOT!
Anyways. So in the Georgia Nicolson series, she pines after this guy, le Sex God, Robbie, for a couple of months then they finally kinda get together, then don't, then get together for real, then he leaves her for forevers for a foreign land.
Sound familiar?
But while he's gone, she has Dave the Laugh to talk to, and snog occasionally, then another dishy bloke (haha, I love British talk) comes along, the Italian stallion, the Luuuurve God, Masimo. And the snog and whatnot and she really think she likes him.
I wish I had a Dave to talk to, especially when Sonny goes on his "field" thingies and I'm just kind've abandoned...(without a "hey babe, I'm leaving for the field, I love you so much I'll think about you every second blah blah blah" JUST SAYING.)
NOT TO SNOG, though. I couldn't do that.
I just feel like...abandoned.
It's like...I have no one to talk to really. I have all kinds of college friends, Lindey and I have seem to become especially close, as well as my KPhi family, but still. It's not the same.
I don't talk to Jalisa, because I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.
And I can't really talk to Tori because she's a working girl now, and doesn't keep the bizarre hours that I keep...
...Sonny was who I talked to about these things.
Except complaining.
Which is probably what I'm doing now.
And he'll probably read it.
Ah bugger.
But still...it's just...nuh...
Why do I feel so alone?
Day 58 continued - I Hate the Bible
Well not really, but writing about it and its literature has made my right hand's fingertipses go numb.
Not cool, bible. Not cool.
Well I suppose it is actually David's fault. He required us to write the essays for our final in a blue or green book.
A green book is pretty much a bunch of (WIDE RULED) notebook paper stapled between two green pieces of paper. Quelle c'est le pointe?
I don't know.
Except to make my life harder.
So I typed up my essays and had to copy them by hand.
Our essays were supposed to be five pages and I thought I had mine worked out so that it would be five exactly.
And it was seven.
ARGGGH.
Took forever and my fingertipses are numb.
Ugh.
Trying to regain feeling in them while simultaneously avoiding sleep so that I may finish (read: begin) my freaking Psych paper.
I'm starting to think to myself "Ya know...you could sleep until noon and get up and write your paper..."
But I probably should not.
UGH.
Nuh nuh nuh.
Not cool, bible. Not cool.
Well I suppose it is actually David's fault. He required us to write the essays for our final in a blue or green book.
A green book is pretty much a bunch of (WIDE RULED) notebook paper stapled between two green pieces of paper. Quelle c'est le pointe?
I don't know.
Except to make my life harder.
So I typed up my essays and had to copy them by hand.
Our essays were supposed to be five pages and I thought I had mine worked out so that it would be five exactly.
And it was seven.
ARGGGH.
Took forever and my fingertipses are numb.
Ugh.
Trying to regain feeling in them while simultaneously avoiding sleep so that I may finish (read: begin) my freaking Psych paper.
I'm starting to think to myself "Ya know...you could sleep until noon and get up and write your paper..."
But I probably should not.
UGH.
Nuh nuh nuh.
Day 58 continued - Just saying...
...a "Hey babe, I'm leaving for the field for (insert amount of time), I love you" would have been nice.
>_<
>_<
Day 58 - "I've got like musical Tourette's right now!"
Haha, so after that happy update.
I did in fact dope myself up and sleep all day. Seven until four-thirty. Just got up to go out with my KPhi family. Brie, Carmen, Bianca, Nicolette, Deanna, Tessa, and myself at Hunan Garden. It was great, I love my peoples. Especially my big. We went to Wal-mart after Hunan Garden to get Grandbig, aka Tessa, an ink cartridge for her printer and as we were leaving, Brie was singing the chipmunk Christmas song in a chipmunk voice. Well it sounded more like Stitch, but still, it was hilarious. She is definitely my big.
Oh and we went and saw Christmas lights. There is a neighborhood in Bethany, I think it was, an entire neighborhood that synchronizes its lights to music! It was amazing. I wish the parentals would bring my little sisters to OKC so they could see it.
I'm supposed to be writing a bib lit paper as well as a Psych paper but I must do this first.
I must.
And dance madly to Mindless Self Indulgence.
It's like a rave in my head.
JK JK JK LOLOLOL I HEART YOUR FUCKING MAKEUP DID OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR HAIR IS THAT A NEW TATTOO DID THAT PIERCING FUCKING HURT NOW JK JK JK LOLOLOL
Now it's Medic Droid. Fun stuff.
I don't think Jalisa likes my music.
Oh well.
La la la.
So. We learned in Psych about infant determinism.
So say a mom leaves a baby.
And comes back.
The baby misses her and is happy when she returns.
Then she leaves.
And comes back.
And leaves.
And comes back.
Gone.
Back.
Gone.
Back.
Eventually the baby stops caring whether the mom is there or not.
And this affects the baby later in life, determining their adult psychological profile.
Thus, infant determinism.
I think I am developing this abandoned baby whatsit.
GONE.
BACK.
GONE.
BACK.
GONE.
"We're not falling in love, we're just falling apart, come on let's dance the night away! THIS IS HOW THE BEAT DROPS THIS IS HOW THE BEAT DROPS"
I did in fact dope myself up and sleep all day. Seven until four-thirty. Just got up to go out with my KPhi family. Brie, Carmen, Bianca, Nicolette, Deanna, Tessa, and myself at Hunan Garden. It was great, I love my peoples. Especially my big. We went to Wal-mart after Hunan Garden to get Grandbig, aka Tessa, an ink cartridge for her printer and as we were leaving, Brie was singing the chipmunk Christmas song in a chipmunk voice. Well it sounded more like Stitch, but still, it was hilarious. She is definitely my big.
Oh and we went and saw Christmas lights. There is a neighborhood in Bethany, I think it was, an entire neighborhood that synchronizes its lights to music! It was amazing. I wish the parentals would bring my little sisters to OKC so they could see it.
I'm supposed to be writing a bib lit paper as well as a Psych paper but I must do this first.
I must.
And dance madly to Mindless Self Indulgence.
It's like a rave in my head.
JK JK JK LOLOLOL I HEART YOUR FUCKING MAKEUP DID OH MY GOD I LOVE YOUR HAIR IS THAT A NEW TATTOO DID THAT PIERCING FUCKING HURT NOW JK JK JK LOLOLOL
Now it's Medic Droid. Fun stuff.
I don't think Jalisa likes my music.
Oh well.
La la la.
So. We learned in Psych about infant determinism.
So say a mom leaves a baby.
And comes back.
The baby misses her and is happy when she returns.
Then she leaves.
And comes back.
And leaves.
And comes back.
Gone.
Back.
Gone.
Back.
Eventually the baby stops caring whether the mom is there or not.
And this affects the baby later in life, determining their adult psychological profile.
Thus, infant determinism.
I think I am developing this abandoned baby whatsit.
GONE.
BACK.
GONE.
BACK.
GONE.
"We're not falling in love, we're just falling apart, come on let's dance the night away! THIS IS HOW THE BEAT DROPS THIS IS HOW THE BEAT DROPS"
Monday, December 13, 2010
Day 57 - PAIN!
UGGGGGGH.
My stomach hurts.
I hate being a girl.
Dying.
UGH.
UGH.
UGH.
Sitting in the SGA office with Jalisa. We're supposed to go get breakfast in...18 minutes.
But my stomach/back are hurting so bad right now, I don't think I would enjoy it anyways, so que l'est le pointe?
I DON'T KNOW.
Think I'll just go dope myself up unhealthily on ibuprofen.
And sleep.
My stomach hurts.
I hate being a girl.
Dying.
UGH.
UGH.
UGH.
Sitting in the SGA office with Jalisa. We're supposed to go get breakfast in...18 minutes.
But my stomach/back are hurting so bad right now, I don't think I would enjoy it anyways, so que l'est le pointe?
I DON'T KNOW.
Think I'll just go dope myself up unhealthily on ibuprofen.
And sleep.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Day 56 continued - Pediatrics?!?
So. Epiphany.
Life-altering decision.
I may have just decided to become a pediatrician rather than a child psychologist.
MAYBE.
I don't know yet. It's still in the consideration phase.
But honestly, I'm thinking I might just do that.
What I'm thinking now is (possibly) dropping the art major after this year, and adding the pre-med option, along with the child advocacy minor.
So I'd be a pre-med psychology major with a child advocacy minor, art therapy emphasis, maybe an art minor, and go to medical school afterwards for pediatrics.
Maybe.
Or just be a psycholog major with a child advocacy minor, art therapy emphasis, maybe an art minor, and go to graduate school for child psychology.
WHO KNOWS!
I'm excited though.
...or maybe I just want to succeed where Jalisa has failed. haha. That may be it, but I do think I would love being a pediatrician.
:)
Life-altering decision.
I may have just decided to become a pediatrician rather than a child psychologist.
MAYBE.
I don't know yet. It's still in the consideration phase.
But honestly, I'm thinking I might just do that.
What I'm thinking now is (possibly) dropping the art major after this year, and adding the pre-med option, along with the child advocacy minor.
So I'd be a pre-med psychology major with a child advocacy minor, art therapy emphasis, maybe an art minor, and go to medical school afterwards for pediatrics.
Maybe.
Or just be a psycholog major with a child advocacy minor, art therapy emphasis, maybe an art minor, and go to graduate school for child psychology.
WHO KNOWS!
I'm excited though.
...or maybe I just want to succeed where Jalisa has failed. haha. That may be it, but I do think I would love being a pediatrician.
:)
56 Days - Zombie Love
Me and Sonny are going to become zombies and live forever and evers in zombie love-osity.
AHHHHH!
Anyways.
I'm in an odd mood.
I've been reading the Georgia Nicolson series again and it's just inspiring all kinds of randomness.
Oh and I took a Cosmo survey and it makes me look like a very bad girl indeed...
Just saying.
But I'm pretty sure I'm not any worse than average, really...
...it's not that I've done debaucherous things with a lot of people...
...I've just done a lot of debaucherous things with one person. haha.
Anyways.
Now that we've made me look like a sexual deviant.
So. I went into Staples the other day.
And found a bazillion more techy gadgets that I want.
Complete and total Christmas list:
Estimated total before tax: $584.
Not too terrible.
However, I can cross number 5 off my list unless I figure out how to salvage my phone account. That'll knock another 70 off.
Sigh.
Not that much. I'll probably buy some of it for myself with my scholarship refund. If I have to start paying my own cellphone bill, I'll probably not get a car, just put it all into my cellphone bill.
MAGNIFICENT IDEA!
So I had the idea JUST NOW, that what I should do is get my own AT&T account, unlimited texting, not many minutes, and the regular data plan for just my phone.
AND THEN.
Get a BoostMobile phone with the unlimited monthly plan and international connect, to text Sonny on.
Then that would only be 55, maybe less if I can figure out how to get a texting only plan plus international connect.
Genius.
Idk, figuring up how much all this texting was costing me, I might just ask Sonny what he thinks a better plan would be.
Just get my phone and the other to text with.
Or just get my phone and not worry about it.
Because apparently it was costing him bunches too.
He might just want to forego texting.
Hmmmmmm...
More on this later.
AHHHHH!
Anyways.
I'm in an odd mood.
I've been reading the Georgia Nicolson series again and it's just inspiring all kinds of randomness.
Oh and I took a Cosmo survey and it makes me look like a very bad girl indeed...
Just saying.
But I'm pretty sure I'm not any worse than average, really...
...it's not that I've done debaucherous things with a lot of people...
...I've just done a lot of debaucherous things with one person. haha.
Anyways.
Now that we've made me look like a sexual deviant.
So. I went into Staples the other day.
And found a bazillion more techy gadgets that I want.
Complete and total Christmas list:
- Bamboo Fun tablet = $200
- 2 Gig Smartpen and the journal and leather case = $150
- Personal Keurig mini-brewer, with apple cider and hot chocolate as well as coffee K-cups = $144
- Microsoft Office 2011 for Mac = $120
- A new Fitted iPhone case and complete GhostArmor = $70
Estimated total before tax: $584.
Not too terrible.
However, I can cross number 5 off my list unless I figure out how to salvage my phone account. That'll knock another 70 off.
Sigh.
Not that much. I'll probably buy some of it for myself with my scholarship refund. If I have to start paying my own cellphone bill, I'll probably not get a car, just put it all into my cellphone bill.
MAGNIFICENT IDEA!
So I had the idea JUST NOW, that what I should do is get my own AT&T account, unlimited texting, not many minutes, and the regular data plan for just my phone.
AND THEN.
Get a BoostMobile phone with the unlimited monthly plan and international connect, to text Sonny on.
Then that would only be 55, maybe less if I can figure out how to get a texting only plan plus international connect.
Genius.
Idk, figuring up how much all this texting was costing me, I might just ask Sonny what he thinks a better plan would be.
Just get my phone and the other to text with.
Or just get my phone and not worry about it.
Because apparently it was costing him bunches too.
He might just want to forego texting.
Hmmmmmm...
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Day 53
I love my job.
The counselors had the AIS/Clara Luper event today and they all went and afterwards brought us some of the pizza and pops back.
Yay. Good vibes.
They also don't care that much if we stand around and talk for thirty minutes over the pizza instead of calling "prospective students." Which are more like students who filled out the one information card and have probably forgotten that they did.
I think Rae wants me to go out with her tonight, but I can't unless she can get me back by eleven tomorrow, because I'm supposed to be filmed for the "Get the Wesley Center it's own building!" video at 11:30. And can't very well show up terrible looking and smelling like cigarettes and booze.
So I might just not go.
Plus, haha, Austin, Sharmaine, and I are going to go donate plasma tomorrow. True story.
Austin started talking about donating plasma tomorrow and I said, "Oh, I've been thinking about doing that" and he asked if I wanted to go at one. So I said sure.
Then Sharmaine started asking about it and said she wanted to go.
PLASMA DONATING PARTY.
Oh my life.
I'm pretty much done with class this week. I think I'll work on Saturday though, get some more moneys.
Next week, I'm more excited about the various activities than being done with finals.
Massages Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Pizza Feast on Monday.
Honors Christmas Dinner Wednesday, possibly followed by Arbonne Christmas party.
Christmas party at work on Thursday.
Home on Friday.
Yay!
The counselors had the AIS/Clara Luper event today and they all went and afterwards brought us some of the pizza and pops back.
Yay. Good vibes.
They also don't care that much if we stand around and talk for thirty minutes over the pizza instead of calling "prospective students." Which are more like students who filled out the one information card and have probably forgotten that they did.
I think Rae wants me to go out with her tonight, but I can't unless she can get me back by eleven tomorrow, because I'm supposed to be filmed for the "Get the Wesley Center it's own building!" video at 11:30. And can't very well show up terrible looking and smelling like cigarettes and booze.
So I might just not go.
Plus, haha, Austin, Sharmaine, and I are going to go donate plasma tomorrow. True story.
Austin started talking about donating plasma tomorrow and I said, "Oh, I've been thinking about doing that" and he asked if I wanted to go at one. So I said sure.
Then Sharmaine started asking about it and said she wanted to go.
PLASMA DONATING PARTY.
Oh my life.
I'm pretty much done with class this week. I think I'll work on Saturday though, get some more moneys.
Next week, I'm more excited about the various activities than being done with finals.
Massages Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Pizza Feast on Monday.
Honors Christmas Dinner Wednesday, possibly followed by Arbonne Christmas party.
Christmas party at work on Thursday.
Home on Friday.
Yay!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Day 50 - continued
Well the stupid Apps paper didn't write itself, but I finished it.
5:30 to 10:15, solidly working on it.
AHHH.
But oh well. I wasn't as rushed as I thought I'd be.
I even had time to go back to my room and change and put makeup on and fix my hair and make myself look somewhat presentable.
Drawing class was cancelled today because apparently Professor Wood is sick. When I got the email around nine something, I was super excited because I took it as meaning that I could both have lunch and take a nap until work. So I called Jalisa to tell her that I still had the popcorn with me from last time and she said we should get lunch. Well when I was sitting in Art History, Brie the Big text me telling me I should come to lunch at Carmen's apartment with her and Carmen and Tessa.
So I text Jalisa and told her that I was going to go eat lunch with them and she didn't say anything.
Then I get on Facebook a couple of minutes later to find this as her status: "
5:30 to 10:15, solidly working on it.
AHHH.
But oh well. I wasn't as rushed as I thought I'd be.
I even had time to go back to my room and change and put makeup on and fix my hair and make myself look somewhat presentable.
Drawing class was cancelled today because apparently Professor Wood is sick. When I got the email around nine something, I was super excited because I took it as meaning that I could both have lunch and take a nap until work. So I called Jalisa to tell her that I still had the popcorn with me from last time and she said we should get lunch. Well when I was sitting in Art History, Brie the Big text me telling me I should come to lunch at Carmen's apartment with her and Carmen and Tessa.
So I text Jalisa and told her that I was going to go eat lunch with them and she didn't say anything.
Then I get on Facebook a couple of minutes later to find this as her status: "
Day 50
"its cause i love you babe i dont want you to get hurt or anything im not there to protect you..its my natural instinct to protect you <3"
"and ill protect you for forever:)"
"Its cause im in love with you!"
Right when I think he's said the most amazing thing ever to me, he says something else to make me all melty.
Part of me wants to go nuhhhhh for feeling all melty, but the other part is really really happy.
But all of me loves him. :)
Why won't this damn Applications paper write itself?
"and ill protect you for forever:)"
"Its cause im in love with you!"
Right when I think he's said the most amazing thing ever to me, he says something else to make me all melty.
Part of me wants to go nuhhhhh for feeling all melty, but the other part is really really happy.
But all of me loves him. :)
Why won't this damn Applications paper write itself?
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