Oh blog. How many days has it been? I don't know. But no one's awake to talk to me except the person I want to vent about, so I need an outlet.
I'm lost. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I hate to say that I've been the stereotypical self absorbed teenager, but I have been. I have concerned myself so much with my appearance, what I'm doing this weekend, my relationship, and other fruitless little trivialities that I don't do anything productive.
This just seals it.
I don't want to be this way anymore.
I don't want to stay up all night anymore just for the point of talking to a boyfriend who doesn't understand me as much as I think.
I don't want to do things just for myself anymore.
I don't want to be a self indulgent college student anymore.
I want something else.
I flew for the first time six days ago. And it was amazing, I loved it.
But lifting off from the ground, and watching as the world shrunk to pinpricks of light and miniscule buildings and ribbons of road reminded me how small I am in this world, and how much there is out there. And how I may feel like I'm limited, like all I need to concern myself with are my family in Coweta, and my college in Oklahoma City and my boyfriend in Korea, that that's all that is supposed to matter in my life. Maybe it is. But I don't want it to.
How many nights in college did I stay up all night, talking to my boyfriend when I should have been doing work? How many events did I miss because I was sleeping due to the all nighters? How many opportunities did I miss due to my own frivolity?
I've been selfish.
I don't want to be anymore.
How do I start? Do I dare start?
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