Day 1: A New Beginning, aka, I Am Just a Speck of Dust Inside a Giant's Eye.

Oh blog. How many days has it been? I don't know. But no one's awake to talk to me except the person I want to vent about, so I need an outlet.

I'm lost. I don't know what I'm doing right now. I hate to say that I've been the stereotypical self absorbed teenager, but I have been. I have concerned myself so much with my appearance, what I'm doing this weekend, my relationship, and other fruitless little trivialities that I don't do anything productive.
This just seals it.
I don't want to be this way anymore.
I don't want to stay up all night anymore just for the point of talking to a boyfriend who doesn't understand me as much as I think.
I don't want to do things just for myself anymore.
I don't want to be a self indulgent college student anymore.

I want something else.

I flew for the first time six days ago. And it was amazing, I loved it.
But lifting off from the ground, and watching as the world shrunk to pinpricks of light and miniscule buildings and ribbons of road reminded me how small I am in this world, and how much there is out there. And how I may feel like I'm limited, like all I need to concern myself with are my family in Coweta, and my college in Oklahoma City and my boyfriend in Korea, that that's all that is supposed to matter in my life. Maybe it is. But I don't want it to.
How many nights in college did I stay up all night, talking to my boyfriend when I should have been doing work? How many events did I miss because I was sleeping due to the all nighters? How many opportunities did I miss due to my own frivolity?
I've been selfish.
I don't want to be anymore.

How do I start? Do I dare start?

Day 185: How about...

I stop whining about my relationship and actually focus on something else? Hmmm?


Like...Stephen King books. In the last week, finished the 1,121 (in e-book form) page monstrosity that was Duma Key and am 200+ pages into Everything's Eventual. Soooo...I kinda wanna start keeping up with the books/stories I have and haven't read. Let's go!

NOVELS

Bag of Bones       Read 752

Carrie       Read 272

Cell               Read 449

Cujo               Read 400

Dreamcatcher               Read 684

Duma Key       Read 607

The Eyes of the Dragon       Read 427

Gerald's Game       Read 332

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon  Read         264

IT               Read      1104

Misery               Read 370

Needful Things       Read 800

Pet Sematary       Read 576

The Shining       Read 497

The Tommyknockers       Read 752

Total: 8,286

'Salem's Lot Started

Dolores Claiborne Started

Rose Madder Started

The Talisman Started

Under the Dome Started

11/22/63 Unread

Black House Unread

Christine Unread (I think)

The Colorado Kid Unread

Cycle of the Werewolf Unread

The Dark Half Unread

The Dark Tower series Unread

The Dead Zone Unread

Desperation Unread

Firestarter Unread

From A Buick 8 Unread

The Green Mile series Unread

Insomnia Unread

Lisey's Story Unread

The Plant Unread

The Stand Unread

STORY COLLECTIONS

Night Shift Read 316

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Read 897

Skeleton Crew Read 576

Total: 1,789

Everything's Eventual In progress

Hearts in Atlantis Started

Just After Sunset Started

Different Seasons Started (Read one of the stories)

Four Past Midnight Started (Read one of the stories)

Full Dark, No Stars Unread

Stephen King Goes to the Movies Unread

TOTAL PAGES (not counting partially read books): 10,075

And just for fun...how many movies?

THEATRICALLY RELEASED

Carrie         Seen

Cujo         Seen

Dreamcatcher         Seen

Graveyard Shift         Seen

Misery                 Seen

Pet Sematary         Seen

Secret Window         Seen AND LOVE!

Shawshank Redemption Seen

The Shining         Seen

Sleepwalkers         Seen

Christine Seen some

The Green Mile Seen some

The Mangler Seen some

Riding the Bullet Seen some

Stand By Me Seen some

1408 Seen some

Apt Pupil Unseen

Cat's Eye Unseen

Children of the Corn Unseen

Creepshow Unseen

Creepshow 2 Unseen

The Dark Half Unseen

The Dead Zone Unseen

Dolores Claiborne Unseen

Firestarter Unseen

Hearts in Atlantis Unseen

Maximum Overdrive Unseen

The Mist         Unseen

Needful Things Unseen

The Night Flier Unseen

The Running Man Unseen

Silver Bullet Unseen

Tales from the              Unseen

  Darkside

Thinner         Unseen

MADE FOR TV

Rose Red         Seen

Desperation         Seen some

Nightmares & Dreamscapes Seen some

Sometimes They Come Back Seen some

The Tommyknockers         Seen some

Salem's Lot miniseries Unseen

The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer Unseen

IT                 Unseen

The Langoliers miniseries Unseen

Quicksilver Highway         Unseen

Storm of the Century         Unseen

Geez. Seeing this reminds me of how much of an amazing and prolific writer Stephen King is and how much of an inspiration he is. If I ever decide to give into this itching I have to become a writer just maybe...

Idk. Anyways. Lots read and much more to read and see! Goal for the summer possibly...read all of Steven King's published fictional works and the theatrically released and made for tv movies. 

Yay :)

Day Whatever: Friend or no friend...

If my boyfriend likes his "familiar acquaintance's" status, alleging that "some man's body could meet her body, if he wants it he can get it in her sex room", I will not be happy.

Because this comes after having to question their relationship and her leaving a questioning comment after a comment of mine on his status.

For him to like that status would be completely inappropriate.

But I guess we'll see what happens...

Day No Clue

Why do I only write in this when I'm sad?
I don't know.

Why is it that it seems my worst fear is always on the verge of coming true?

There's always going to be other people who understand his life now better than I do and they see him every day when I can't.

What can I do about it?

I hate crying.

Day 151: 5 Months

Why doesn't it ever start to feel any better?

I hate crying. It's the most useless display of emotion ever.

Day 145: Two Days

Until 20 months.
And I'm gonna post a Facebook status about it.
I wonder if anyone rolls their eyes if/when they notice I celebrate every month that Son and I are together, at least by mentioning it.
I guess it's just that when you're so far apart for so long, every month that passes is like another small accomplishment.
My latest decision has given me something to work for I think. I just think to myself that I just have to make it to December and everything will be better. I'll be right where I want to be for the rest of my life.

But right now...I just want to be home. :/

Day 143: Oh, You Life-Altering Decisions, You...

Here's what I have decided. I am an adult. I am no longer a child/teenager, whatever.
As a kid, you do what your parents tell you (for the most part) and generally go along with your wishes.
Eventually though, it comes time to put your big girl undies on and make your first controversial "grown up" decision. I suppose for others, this may be their choice in college or something, or in Brie's case it's deciding to live with Ran against what is most likely her parents' wishes.
Welllllll...I'm not going to say what mine is, because honestly it's a rather big decision and while I am possibly perfectly positive about it, I still don't feel comfortable saying it until it become more definite of a possibility.
Let's just say this.
In the ten total months that Son and I have been apart, I have come to realize that I love him as much as I'm ever going to love anyone, that if we can make it through being 7000 miles apart for six months at a time we can make it through anything, and I'm simply not happy when I'm not with him.
I talked it over with Tori before I actually talked it over with him and she agrees with my reasoning.
I talked it over with him just now and he wants the same things I do, and I think it can work.
So let's do this.

I was discussing this with Tori and while waiting for her to finish typing her response, I clicked Stumble on my favorites bar. This graphic popped up and this was the quote on it:
"expect the best, be prepared for the worst, fuck what others think, and do your own thing"

A sign? I think so.